


the spirit of 189 ramses lane

by zeitgeistofnow



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: (drummroll), BUT IT'S GOT CHANDELIRES, Friendship, Huge - Freeform, Multi, Well - Freeform, all the warning signs, and i bet you're wondering what the spirit of rames way is, but it's a great house!, haunted house au, i'll tell you!, it's - Freeform, nice rooms, oh and there's an actual ghost, that's ramses o'flaherty, who can give up that?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-18 00:45:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11863110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeitgeistofnow/pseuds/zeitgeistofnow
Summary: There was an old house up on the hill that had always looked haunted, and for that reason, Juno Steel had always wanted to live in it. It was a few blocks up from where he lives, with three turrets, seven windows on the front, and enough room for at least nine people. And it was definitely haunted.And it's for sale. The catch it, though, that there are four other people who would like to own that house as well.





	1. Chapter 1

There was an old house up on the hill that had always looked haunted, and for that reason, Juno Steel had always wanted to live in it. It was a few blocks up from where he lives, with three turrets, seven windows on the front, and enough room for at least nine people. And it was definitely haunted. 

When Juno was younger he'd run away and sit in the backyard of the old house and study it. Every so often, if he looked long enough, he'd see a flash in the one the windows, a silhouette by the door, bats flying out of the roof. The bats always flew out at 7:30 sharp, and so, at 7:23, Juno would run up the street and nestle himself into the weeds in the backyard. 

And now that old house was for sale, and Juno was going to own it. He was going to live there and be as melancholy and antisocial as he wanted because he would be in a haunted house, and no one would dare come and complain. He'd been dreaming of it since he was a child. 

He had had to double-check the 'for sale' sign a few times before he believed it was actually there. He hadn't even known someone owned it. It seemed ethereal to him like maybe vampires owned it. Or Satan.

Juno, though, was not the only one who wanted the house. There were four other people googling at the sign when Juno walked up. 

He had not expected any competition. The house was falling into disrepair, and it was only for the grace of God and someone with a deep pocket that the utilities had not been shut off. 

The four others, all standing around the sign, turned when Juno walked over. A tall woman with crow-black hair and a black trench coat, a woman with girlish features and cheap Cateye glasses, and two men, one with dreads and a crooked smile, the other with slicked-back hair, an olive blazer, and the best eyes Juno's seen.

Juno nodded at them and the tall woman nodded back. 

Cateye glasses grinned. "You know, I honestly didn't think there'd be this many of us! But, since there are, we'd better introduce ourselves. I'm Rita."

The man with dreads grinned at Rita. "Mick Mer-"

"Hello, sir." The man with the bright eyes swooped in beside Juno. "Rex Glass, at your service." He holds out his hand. His fingernails are painted to match his jacket.

Juno stared for a secon then took Rex's hand. "Juno Steel."

"Dr. Sasha Wire," said the tall woman.  

Rita's eyes widened. "You're a _doctor?"_

"Scientist." Sasha corrected.

Mick grinned, his eyes dancing from person to person. "Well, looks like you guys are my competition!" He probably meant it as a joke, but it was true. Juno glanced at Sasha, who was looking at him. "I mean," Mick continued, "I thought I was going to be the only one that wanted this old place, but I guess not!"

Juno looked back at Mick. "Why'd you want this place, anyway?"

Mick looked surprised. "Well, I wanted to live in a haunted house. Why else? It's so cool! I mean, all I need now are four friends so it'd be really awe-hey!" he looked around. Juno assumed he was realizing that hey, here are four potential friends! "You guys could-"

Juno cleared his throat. "I've got to get to work. The detective business doesn't leave much time for chatting."

Sasha checked her phone. "I've got work too."

Rex raised a single eyebrow. "I have errands to run."

Rita just said, "Bye!!" and skipped away. Juno worried for her, skipping in high heels. 

They parted ways, leaving the house behind. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyyyyyyy so that's what that was! just an introduction thing. you know. and none of them know each other yet, so you have juno and sasha being like... 'this person... i don't know...'
> 
> kudos, and oH MY GODS COMMENTS ARE MY LIFELINE. 
> 
> come talk to me on tumblr @the-stars-say-gay


	2. Chapter 2

They were touring the house today- all five of them, because, apparently, none of the real estate agents would go in the house more than once.

Juno nodded curtly at Sasha, who nodded back, Mick high-fived everyone, Rita beamed, Rex smiled, and the five of them sat on the front porch, waiting for their real estate agent.

Who never came. 

Once the agent was half an hour late, Rex stood up. "Well, if you don't mind, I am going to enter the house now, with or without someone who knows about as much about it as me and is thirty minutes late."

Mick looked up at him. "The door's locked."

"A lock this old? That's no detriment."

Juno watched as Rex picked the lock and threw open the door. It was technically illegal, and Juno was  _supposed_ to stop people from doing illegal things, but he was just as tired of standing on the porch as Rex was, so he didn't mind much. 

Rex gestured at the open door. "After you."

The interior of the house- which Juno had never seen- was dusty and probably last renovated in the late 1800's, which would give it a nice antique feel, except it, well, looked haunted. It would look pretty good after a month or two of cleaning almost 24/7. It was huge, at least five times bigger than Juno's current house, which was gratifying, as it was about half as expensive. 

Rita ran her fingers along the stair's banister- a great spiral thing- causing a great puff of dust. "Woah."

Sasha leaned over her shoulder. "That's good wood."

"Of course it is, Sash." Mick grinned. Sasha stiffened at the nickname. Juno figured that Mick was the type to give people nicknames as soon as he could. "It's still here, isn't it?"

"I suppose so."

Rex was pacing the living room, checking behind curtains and under couch cushions. 

"Glass," Juno called, "What'ch you doing?"

"Checking for ghosts, detective." Rex winked. 

Sasha collapsed onto the couch, prompting another cloud of dust. "Well, I don't know about you four, but I want this house."

Rita slid down the banister, hopped off the end, and dusted off her shorts. "I do too."

Nods of agreement came from everyone. 

"Because, like, if this house is actually haunted, we could have like... the best youtube channel," Mick said, pantomiming filming Rex. "It'd be great!"

"There is no 'we'," Sasha informed him. "We are all competing for this house."

A real estate agent burst into the house. "What are you all-" they shook their head. "Never mind. Julian Dimaggio, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the price of the house has gone up."

Juno stared. There was no way he could-

"To five times the current price." the agent finished. 

Mick stood for a second, then fell against the wall. "Aw, c'mon. I could barely afford it at its original price."

The agent shrugged. "You'll have to figure it out."

Mick looked around at the other potential buyers. "Heyyy. There's five of us! We could afford it together!"

Rita nodded, her hair bobbing up and down. "That'd be sooo cool! It'd be like that sitcom I watched, y'know, the one about the girl who moves in with her-"

"Shush." Juno interrupted. "Let me think." he shrugged. "I'm up for it, so long as I can live here."

Rex cracked a smile. "Of course. I'll warn you in advance, though, I am a very eccentric living mate."

"You can't be worse than me, Glass," Sasha said. She nodded. "That sounds like it will work."

The five of them looked at the real estate agent, who seemed stunned. "Uh... okay," they said. "That sounds great. There's some paperwork for you five, and you can move in next month."

"Wonderful," Rex smirked at Juno. "I look forward to seeing you all again. Good evening."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so! that's that. how was it?
> 
> kudos are appreciated, and comments are hung in the sky in appreciation.


	3. Chapter 3

A week later, Juno and Mick Mercury were on a cleaning supply run. 

"So, Jay, I feel like I should be getting to know you guys, seeing as we're gonna be living in the same house for who knows how long," Mick says, dropping a value-pack of rags into the cart. 

"I'm sure you feel that way, Mick."

"And so I think that I should start with the most relevant thing. How are you at cleaning?"

Juno shrugged, picking up a bottle of cleaning spray. "My usual approach is to sweep everything under the rug and call it a day."

Mick snorted. "Hey, Jay, I asked how you clean, not how you do business."

Juno looked at Mick, who was grinning at his own joke. "That was not as funny as you think it was."

"Sure it was. Now, do we want 'X-tra strength cleaning spray', or 'Super cleaning spray'?"

"Whichever is cheaper."

"We're using Sash's money, who cares?"

Juno raised his eyebrows. "You will, once you have Wire screaming at you because you bought the most expensive stuff."

"Then Super cleaning spray."

"Good choice."

They dropped it into the cart.

"Let's see what's next on the list..." Juno pulled the wrinkled paper out of his pocket. "Dusters, hammer, nails."

“Feather dusters.” Mick hummed, looking around. “That sounds very… Rita.”

Juno shrugged. “Well, it’s definitely her handwriting.”

“Jay, you already recognize her handwriting? What  _ are  _ you?”

“A detective, Mick.”

Mercury hummed. “Good detective.” he finally said. “Kinda scary, but hey, I can get past that. What kinda detective are you?”

“Is this relevant to cleaning supplies?”

Mick frowned. “C’mon, Jay, lighten up. We’re gonna be living together, you might as well talk now.”

“And repeat everything I say once we get back? I think not.”

 

“Okay, Mistah Steel, now, I bet you know howta dust, but _ I _ bet Agent Glass did too, and I lost seven dollas to Doctor Wire.” Rita handed Juno a feather duster. “It’s pretty simple. Wave it around on a surface like so, until it’s nice an’ shiny.” She dusted off a cabinet, only to have it immediately covered in more dust when Mick hammered through the floor.

“Oop. Sorry, Rita.”

Rita looked dismally at the cabinet. “Oops is right. Maybe we should…”

“Save dusting?” Juno suggested.

“Yeah! For now, we can maybe haul those things outside? They’re kinda ugly.”

“They’re some old boards.”

Mick, sticking his head through the hole in the ceiling, widened his eyes. “They’re arranged in a lean-to. Like there’s a ghost living there! This has got to be filmed.”

He stood back up. Footsteps, then a crash, and a quiet, “dang, hanging your head upside down really messes with your balance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and so they begin cleaning. you'll note that peter is not cleaning. he is asleep. mick and sasha were going to wake him, but juno exclaimed 'WAIT. look at how pretty he is asleep. we should let him sleep'. and sash and mick were like... uh. we'll leave you gays? cool?
> 
> anyWAY, thank for reading? comments and kudos are sent to my friend in the stars so that they can be as happy as me!


	4. Chapter 4

“Okay, guys, I’m sure this house is haunted.” Mick placed his hands on the table, palms down.

Rex took a bite of his pasta. “Of course it is.”

Rita glanced at Juno. “Mistah Steel, that  _ can’t  _ be all you’re gonna eat tonight. You’ll starve.”

Juno looked down at his yogurt. “I think that this is a fine-”

“She’s right, Steel.” Sasha, over at the toaster, nodded approvingly at Rita. “You need to eat things other than dairy products.”

_ I lived for a decade on whatever I wanted to eat, and I’m  _ fine, Juno thought, but put down the plastic container. “So, what should I eat, doctor?”

Sash swept to the fridge and grabbed some butter. “Greens would be good for you, I’m surprised you haven’t contracted scurvy.”

“I drink lemon juice once a week to prevent that.”

“Must be why you’re so bitter, detective.”

Juno winked. “Well, I’d say you’re pretty sweet.”

Sasha sighed. “ _ Please.  _ It’s going to get pretty awkward, rather fast if you start flirting with me. Agent Glass is a perfectly good object of your affection.”

He was, Juno had to admit. But he was also intimidating, and the kind of guy Juno would feel sheepish about taking home, did they not live together.

“Speaking of which, hey Glass, why do people keep calling you an agent?”

“Because that’s my job title, Juno.” Rex dabbed his lip with a napkin. (where had he gotten the napkin?)

“Yeah, but why’s it your job title?”

“Because I’m an agent.”

Juno frowned at him. “Oh, come on, Rex.”

Rex turned around in his seat to look at Juno. “Juno, darling, it’s none of your business.”

Rita took a bite of her sandwich- Rita, insofar as Juno could tell, rarely ate anything other than desserts and sandwiches- and looked at the other four occupants of the house contemplatively. “Ya know what I think?” she said finally. “ _ I  _ think we should all play truth or dare.”

Juno turned around. “And  _ I  _ think we should all go play ghost in the graveyard. Geez, Rita, how old are you?”

Rita shrugged. “Old enough. But mistah Steel, you gotta think about this! We should all get to knowin’ each other, and this way we’ll all  _ bare our souls. _ ”

“Sure, Rita.”

Rex looked up. “I don’t know, detective. Miss Rita here may have a point.”

“When are you guys going to acknowledge that there is a ghost in this house? Even the agent here agrees with me.” Mick gestured at Rex  


Everyone turned to look at him. 

Sasha sighed. Rita furrowed her brow, which was the first time Juno had seen her not-grin, and Juno shrugged. “We know there’s a ghost, Mick. That’s old news. We’re trying to get over it and live our lives with four other people in the house.”

Rita’s eyebrows lifted and she grinned. “Maybe…” she paused, “We could invite th’ ghost for truth or dare!” She did a tiny dance, almost tripping over a crack in the linoleum.

“We’re doing truth or dare now?” Juno took a swig from the glass of milk he was having with dinner because apparently he shouldn’t drink with dinner, and okay Sash maybe that makes some sense, but Juno can do whatever he wants but yeah it makes sense and  _ okay Sasha.  _

“Of  _ course  _ we’re doin’ truth or dare, Mistah Steel. You think we were just gonna go to bed?”

Mick slurped his soup, then slammed his fists on the table. “The ghost, you guys!”

“Yeah, we should  _ really _ find ‘em to invite them to play truth or dare with us.” Rita agreed.

“How do you even summon a ghost? I’m religious! There’s pentagrams, is there?”

There’s a thump. Juno whirls around. Another thump, and a cupboard flies open. Juno looks at it, and in the corner of his eye sees something coming down the stairs. 

Sasha turns slowly, her now-buttered toast in her hand. “What... “ she says quietly, “is that.”

Rex stands up and goes to wash his plate. “That is a ghost, doctor.”

Rita grins and skips over to the stairs. “Now, mistah ghost, we was gonna summon you or somethin’, so that we could  _ all _ six of us play truth or dare together and get to know each other, but you’re here now! An’ so we don’t have to bother with those pesky candles or anythin’... Hey, mistah ghost, you okay?”

The ghost was just standing there, not engaging in any normal ghost behaviors like floating menacingly around Juno and ruining his appetite, or talking to cats.

The ghost jerkily floated down the stairs and stopped in front of the kitchen table. 

“No,” it said, and Rita sighed. 

“So, no truth or dare?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mick saying stuff and everyone ignoring him is my aesthetic.
> 
> Also! the entire 'agent' exchange was not me, but one of my friends! she's on tumblr @bellandpebbles.
> 
> kudos are grinned at, and comments result in me leaning away from the screen and giggling- tbh i act like rita for like a minute when someone comments on my story.


	5. Chapter 5

Juno took a bite of his yogurt, not taking his eyes off the ghost. “Who _are_ you?”

The ghost sat down at one of the chairs next to Mick, who scooted away.

“Ramses O'Flaherty.” The ghost said gravely. He looked like a politician, with a clean shaven face and a suit and tie.

Rita took a bite of her toast and stuck a hand out an Ramses. “Nice t’ meet you, Mistah ghost.”

“You too, Rita.”

Rex twirled his fork in his pasta and smiled at Ramses. “So, Mister O’Flaherty, can you tell us how you died?”

Ramses waved a hand. “Assassination.”

Rita and Mick gasped. “It’s like a proper movie!” Rita said. “Assassination! Next it’ll be robbery.”

“I _was_ robbery. I had my favorite movie stolen!”

“Your… movie.” Juno frowned.

Rite leaned toward Sasha. “I wish I had some popcorn.”

“We can make some later.” Sasha whispered back.

“Okay, I’ll bite. What movie?”

Ramses leaned toward Juno, accidentally dipping his sleeve in Mick’s soup. Mick didn’t seem to mind. Juno noticed he was filming this. “My copy of Andromeda and the Green Backed Gallifreyan.”

Rex nodded. “Of course. And you’d like us to retrieve it for you?”

Ramses looked at him for a long moment. “Yes.”

Juno shrugged at Sasha. “This should be easy.”

“But!” Ramses said, effectively robbing Juno of his hope, “It needs to be one of the anniversary editions, of which there’s only two.”

Juno threw his yogurt in the trash. “Oh. Well, so much for that. We’ll just have to live with him, I guess.”

Rita grinned at the ghost. “Well, Mistah ghost, I guess you’ll have to live with us a little while longer.”

“It shall be no bother. I’ll warn you now, though, that I do have some… eccentric habits.”

Rex waved a hand. “Of course.” It was a dismissal, which seemed kind of rude, but the ghost was grating on Juno’s nerves, and he was glad to see him disappear.

Mick pressed a button on his phone and said, “Hey, just to make this clear, if he keeps us up all night, we are going to find whatever it is that he needs.”

“It can’t be too hand to find a disney movie.” Sasha pointed out.

“Well, ya know, I watched a documentary on this one.” Rita said. “There’s only two. One’s in the museum, and no one knows where the other one is.”

“Well then how do we find it?” Mick sighed.

“You know how I said tha’ no one knew where it is?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that was excludin’ me.” Rita beamed. “Eva since that show, I’ve been trackin’ it. It moves _all_ ovah. Yestahday it was in Gertra, but today it’s in Hyperion, I think.”

“That’s not that far, we can get there.” Mick pointed out. “And it might move further away tomorrow. We should go while we can.”

Juno looked around at the other four, who were nodding. He sighed. “Fine. Let’s go. We can take my car.”

 

Juno’s car was old- not as old as the house, but old. They all fit in- Rita and Rex sat in the front- Rex was driving and Rita was reading directions from her phone.

“Okay, turn left once you get the that old farmhouse.”

Juno was wedges in the middle between Sasha and Mick. He turned slightly to face Sasha. “How was work?”

Sasha shrugged. “You know. Fine. Nothing special. You?”

“Mostly paperwork. I really need to get a secretary, but there’s no one around.” Juno had spend the day literally wading through papers that he had thrown on the ground the previous day. It was, to say the least, not the funnest thing.

“We’ve had that problem. Rita’s a secretary, but I don’t know who she works for.”

“It’s hard to know anything with Rita. She talks a lot, but not about stuff like that.”

They both glanced at Rita, who was still reading off directions and chatting to Rex. Mick was asleep.

“So, Agent Glass, you know how it’s so easy to just, y’know, lie about your name? That’s what this whole thing is about! The movie was about a person who just walked away from xirs name and xirs life before and just… lived!”

Rita kept talking, but Juno watched Glass. His reaction to the story was a lot more interesting that the story itself. His hands tightened around the steering wheel- Rita wouldn’t notice, and neither would Sasha, and Mick was asleep, but noticing things like this was Juno’s job.

You know, Rex Glass was a pretty weird name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oooh namessss. i mean, Juno Steel is just as weird a name as rex glass, but he doesn't think about that. 
> 
> kudos and comments are greatly appreciated!!!!!!!


	6. Chapter 6

They stopped at a coffee shop on the way to… wherever they were going. It was small- like, Juno told Rex, his hopes and dreams. Rex had stared evenly at him for a moment and Juno had started blushing and turned to study one of the clocks. There were a lot of clocks in the shop- about half were broken and the ones that weren’t were all set to different times. It was decidedly other-worldly. It seemed like if you stayed there long enough, you’d forget everything. Juno liked things like that- it’s why he liked the house.

There weren’t many people in the shop- the barista and one lady sitting in a corner.

Sasha went to order- Rex wanted black coffee, Rita wanted green tea and a muffin, Mick wanted a smoothie and Juno wanted financial stability, goddamnit. Wait, no. Juno wanted a cappuccino.

While Sasha counted out money, Juno went over to the lady in the corner.

Juno usually doesn’t talk to random people when he’s not on a case, but he wanted to ask the lady where she got her jacket because Juno had been looking for one for ages. Juno rested his hand on her table..

“Who’re you?” the lady said, not looking up.

Juno grinned. “Glad to see my reputation doesn’t precede me. Not good in the PI business.”

“You know what else isn’t good in the PI business?”

“No, what?”

“Telling everyone you meet that you’re a PI.” the lady flicked a business card at Juno. “Hey, Juno Steel.”

Juno glanced at the card. “Alessandra! Haven’t seen you in a while. Changed your hair, didn’t you?”

Ales put the book away. “I’m surprised you didn’t recognise me.”

“I never saw your face.” Juno sat down in the chair across from her. “You come here often?”

“More often than you. What brings you over here? I thought you moved out to the suburbs.”

Juno made a face. “Personal stuff. A ghost. My house, you know.”

“What’ch you looking for?”

“You heard of a guy named Ramses O'Flaherty?”

“I came across him name once or twice. Who is he?”

“I dunno, but he’s haunting my new house.”

“Ooh, you moved.” Ales took a sip of her drink.

“Just up the street. Remember that old house?”

“The ones with the bats?”

“Yeah, that one.”

Ales snorted. “That was one of the worst dates you took me on, Steel.” Ales glanced at the booth. Sasha’s done ordering. “You with them?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I hope you don’t plan on taking any of them to that old house.”

“I live with them there.”

Ales whistled. “Well, Steel. I don’t know how you’ve gotten yourself into this, but I want no part in it. Comms me when you’re done, though, and I’ll come over for dinner.”

“Sure, Ales. You know, I’m not sure I have your number.”

“We were dating for a while, Juno. Look under ‘Strong’ on your phone.” She picked her book again.

“See you, Steel.”

“Bye, Ales.”

Sasha handed Juno his coffee. “Who was that?”

“An old friend- colleague. Nothing important.”

Rex sipped his coffee. “How long have you two dated?”

“We broke up two years ago.” Juno decided now to inquire how Glass knew the ‘nature of their relationship’.

“She seems nice.”

“Yeah, well, I’ve been told that I seem nice.” Juno leaned against the booth. Rex nodded.

“It’s because you do. Momentarily.”

“Ooh, Mistah Steel, you dated Alessandra?” Rita had crumbs all over her spot at the table.

“We met at a case-”

“What case? Y’know, being a detective sounds like a lotta fun, Mistah Steel.”

“I’m sure it sounds like that, Rita. What do you do?”

Rita pursed her lips. “Well, Mistah Steel, that’s kinda indelicate.”

Mick frowned at Juno. “Yeah, Jay.”

Juno held up his hands. “Hey, just asking.”

“I got fired.” Rita said, taking a bit of her muffin. “Yestaday.”

Rex snapped his fingers. “I knew someone got fired yesterday. I assumed it was Mick.”

“I didn’t get fired yesterday, it was Thursday.”

Juno knew Ales was watching them from the corner, and he knew she knew he knew, and he knew that Rex knew, but he didn’t turn around. There was no reason to.

He’d call her once it was over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALESSANDRA!!
> 
> yay! i feel like all of these characters are profoundly under-appreciated. 
> 
> comments are kudos are amazing!


	7. Chapter 7

They were still at the coffee shop- like they had been for way longer than the should have. Juno hated wasting time on a case. There were dramatic chases to be had, monologues to suffer through, and, he doesn’t know, damsels to kiss? But they were still here, and Rita was messing with her computer, trying to figure out where the movie was. Sasha was sitting next to her, helping her. Mick was asleep again, and Rex and Juno were shooting glances across the table.

 _‘When are we going to go?’_ Juno mouthed.

_‘Patience, detective.’_

Alessandra had finished her novel and left, and now there were three new customers in the shop. Two elderly men playing chess, and a woman about Juno age, in a sports jacket, sipping an espresso.

Rita jumped in her seat, splashing her drink. “I found it! Th' anniversary edition! It’s in this caf-”

Juno clapped a hand over her mouth. _“Rita!”_ he hissed.

But it was just a bit too late. The woman in a sports jacket was already walking away in her fancy jeans. Juno cursed.

“C’mon, Glass.” Juno stood up. “We’re going on a chase.”

Rex grinned. “Oh, wonderful, detective. Always wanted to-”

Juno grabbed Rex hand and sprinted out of the cafe. The barista looked unperturbed. Maybe this happened every day for her.

Juno was, he would be fast to admit, not as fit as he was, say, a few years ago, and he was not as good at chasing people. Luckily, the woman they were chasing was in heels and obviously a businesswoman, not a professional runner. Rex, on the other hand, was pretty fast.

He caught up to the lady in seconds, trapping her in an alley. Juno was there a few seconds later.

The woman just looked bored. She pulled out a sword. “Valles Vicky. Hello, Rose. Haven’t seen you in a while.”

Juno looked at Rex. “Rose?”

Rex shrugged, his shoulders tense. “Mistaken identity. My name is Rex Glass,” He addressed Vicky.

Juno glanced at the saber. She was holding it all wrong- it wouldn’t be any threat to him. “It sword of looks like you’re not glad to see me.”

Vicky stabbed the sword at Juno. “I should kill for that right now.”

“I see I’m very punny, Vick.”

_“Steel.”_

Rex stepped forward and disarmed the woman. Juno was still panting from running, so he didn’t mind Rex.

“Where is the movie.”

Vicky grimaced. “What movie?”

Juno jabbed her chest. “You know what movie.”

“Ooh, that movie.” Vicky spread her hands. “I don’t have it, Steel. But I know where it is.”

Rex held the sword to Vicky’s neck. “Where is it.”

Vicky leaned away. “I don’t know what you want it so much, Rose. It’s just a kids movie.”

Juno crossed his arms in what he hoped was a menacing way and not a ‘i’m a seven year old who didn’t get his way’ way. “It’s not your problem why we need it.”

Vicky sighed. “Okay, Steel. I’ll tell you. But the wife cannot know about this.”

“Wasn’t planning on telling her. Where is it?”

“In that big house down the street. But Steel, and I’m telling you this because I’m a nice person, there’s heavy surveillance. But I’m sure that won’t be problem for your friend here.” Vicky pointed at Rex, then walked away, got into her fancy car, and left.

Rex looked at Juno. Juno looked at Rex. They stood there for longer than they should, then Juno took a step back.

“Now, you wanna tell me who ‘Rose’ is?”

“I’m afraid, Juno dear, that I don’t.”

Juno glared up at Rex. “I know Rex Glass isn’t your real name.”

“So it isn’t. But, I’m afraid, it would take someone very special for me to tell them my name.”

 _“You live with me,”_ Juno growled, “Is that not special enough?”

“Yes, well, I also live with Sasha and Mercury and Miss Rita. It would be rude to tell you and not them.” Rex lead Juno out of the alley. “Come on, detective. We have a cartoon to steal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yyyyyeeee more names! AND VALES VICKY. MY WIFE. YAYYYYYYYYYY


	8. Chapter 8

The house’s defences were apparent from half a block away, and they would have been from farther, but there were bushes blocking the yard.

The door was caked in cameras and Juno would put good money on the possibility of a trapdoor on the way in. 

Sasha took a few pictures at sent them to Rita, who was still at the cafe, purely because it had free wi-fi.

Rex surveyed the house. “I can probably get in there if someone would switch off the cameras.”

Rita’s voice came through Sasha’s phone. A bit scratchy, Sasha’s phone wasn’t exactly new. “Sure, Agent Glass. I can do that.”

“I didn’t know you can dodge security,” Juno commented. Mick nodded enthusiastically, agreeing, Juno assumed. 

“I can do a lot of things, detective. I’m even good at some of them.” Rex winked at Juno.

“I’m sure you are,” Juno muttered.

Mick elbowed Rex. “Go knock’em dead, Rex.”

“I would actually prefer to avoid any felonies,” Rex said mildly.

“Agent Rex, robb’ry is a felony,” Rita said.

“And yet it is not quite as bad as murder. Rita, please go turn off the surveillance cameras.” Sasha said to her phone.

“Okay, fine, fine.” There was some clicking, and the green light on the cameras turned red, then off. “Agent Rex’s got like seventeen minutes until they notice the security is compromised. Have fun!”

The comms beeped, and Rita was gone.

“ ‘Go knock’em dead’ is a figure of speech, Rex,” Mick said.

 

“How long has it been, Jay?”

Juno didn’t know, and he was worrying too. “I dunno, Mick, ask Sasha.”

“Sash, how long’s it been?”

“It has been 21 minutes, Mick,” Sasha said. She didn’t sound concerned, but Sasha rarely sounded anything. Annoyed, maybe. 

“That’s more than seventeen minutes!” Mick didn’t sound concerned either, he sounded terrified. “Jay I can’t be arrested here. I gotta wife! And a job! And a… a life! I can’t get arrested.”

“Relax, Mick. You don’t have any of the things you just listed. And you’re not going to get arrested for standing here.”

“Jay, this is Hyperion. You never know what you’ll get arrested for.”

“Good point.” Juno cuffed Mick’s head. “Y’know, Mick?”

“Huh?”

“You’re not half bad.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m sure you two are having an important conversation here, but it seems to me that an important member of your group may have disappeared.” Alessandra Strong walked out from one of the bushes. 

Juno Steel prides himself on being able to anticipate a lot of things, but Alessandra walking out of the shrubbery and expressing worry about Rex Glass was not one of those things. 

“Ales?”

“Call me that again and you won’t be able to talk again, Steel.”

Sasha shook Ales’s hand. “Doctor Wire.”

“Alessandra Strong, Private Eye.”

“One of our roommates is late-”

“She knows. She was eavesdropping, right?” Juno interrupted.

Sasha and Ales glanced at each other. They were both glancing people. Juno though they’d probably get along fine.

“Well, yes, but you should probably go and get Rex-”

“He’ll be fine.”

“Jay, I’m not sure…” Mick stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Have you seen the man? He’s invulnerable.” Juno shrugged. “He’s probably hiding in a broom closet.”

“Which means he’s not stealing your movie!” Ales sighed. “Look, Juno. If you don’t go play knight in shining armor, I will. And that will probably end in murder because I am a shitty knight.”

Juno looked around. Sasha was looking at him, one eyebrow raised, and Mick was looking at the ground.

Juno threw his hat at Ales and she took it and put it on- Juno later regretted that, because of course Ales would keep it, and it was one of his favorites- and he sighed. “I’ll go save our agent.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alessandraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
> 
> kudos and comments are gushed about on community radio between talk about my scientist boyfriend and the City Council!!!


End file.
